Today (so random) no editing lol
So I gather there are things that are essential in any relationship. I always thought if I could love someone (sig. other) the way God loves me, I am on the right track. Unconditional love, without record of wrongs, running over with forgiveness, mercy and grace, and in the interest of giving all of ME, to provide a safe trust worthy place for the person to abide...I still think this is true and applicable to my relationships/marriage.
These days I am like wow, past hurts are a mutha, and damn if they don't stick around for what seems like forever! Another lesson from God on how hard it is, but how necessary it is to apply the principles of his love, or is it a REALITY CHECK? In talking to my friends I have found that we are all in extremely different kinds of relationships and though each is equally difficult at times, I think the principles should be the same. I am no expert, but I think loving someone else beyond what they do is essential though it seems weak at times. I was told that wounds that have healed don't hurt when you touch them, and though I have only a very thin layer of skin covering my cut, I can say that first aid is necessary as soon as you realize you've been hurt.
I find it easier when people acknowledge the hurt they have caused you but I suffer like crazy with the times when they don't. forgive? hell, no not till you are hurting worse...I am still stuck in this place, but I find it easier to forgive when I don't have to deal with the person isn't that cheating lol, what about the person you have to see? So I am exploring how trust is related to that and I think what happened is I invested immediately based on what I expected the relationship to be, and how I expected things to pan out, so when the blow was thrown I was not protected, my guard was all the way down form the door. Now what boxer walks into the ring hands down, chillin...not that we are always fighting but in a sense shouldn't I always be protecting me till I knw it's safe, so who's fault is it that I am hurt? ( I just woke myself up)
We have had the brief exciting friendships that fade, and the complicated as hell relationships we wish would fade, or the long distance connections that seem like they would be great, (which we knw are probably better distant) but holding onto that idea makes them great, while still distant, and, my favorite the girlfriends we have that we hold onto complicated or not, I just love her she's my friend... on and on to relationships like marriage when we genuinely love the person and simply want forever to work, plain and simple, hands down, let's do this!!!!
I like relationships and love friendships even more. I am married so scratch the dating relationship ideas (other than pretending with my hubs, and dating him lol) but I have been exploring what kind of friend I am and what qualities I offer, and I find that we are all too often the kind of friends we WANT to others, and when they are not the kind of friend we think we are being it sucks. So my resolve has been to evaluate the friendships and keep the people where they belong in my life and become ok with that.
I am exploring TRUST at the moment and how that fits into my life, and relationships. Am I trustworthy? Are you trustworthy? If not is it the worse thing in the world or do I just learn how to deal with that part of you? Is it on purpose or do either of us lack something? I may be just being random but this is the stuff I think about. I made the statement, out of experience that all people are the same and I have come to realize that, No one is completely trustworthy, as we are all giving what we expect to get in return, never once considering we should just be being a great friend/partner to someone that needs one, later for the rewards.
So ok, In terms of relationships everyone say communication is key and it is...but more importantly for me communication within me is what needs most attention. Someone told me to look myself in the mirror and say, "I love you, and I am sorry for all the things I have done to hurt you, all the places I have been that I didn't protect you, forgive me." I tried it and it was the beginning of OMG! I matter...with that being said I aim to be the friend and wife not that you deserve but that I deserve to take credit for, because I walked all the way here... (does that make sense?)
These days I am like wow, past hurts are a mutha, and damn if they don't stick around for what seems like forever! Another lesson from God on how hard it is, but how necessary it is to apply the principles of his love, or is it a REALITY CHECK? In talking to my friends I have found that we are all in extremely different kinds of relationships and though each is equally difficult at times, I think the principles should be the same. I am no expert, but I think loving someone else beyond what they do is essential though it seems weak at times. I was told that wounds that have healed don't hurt when you touch them, and though I have only a very thin layer of skin covering my cut, I can say that first aid is necessary as soon as you realize you've been hurt.
I find it easier when people acknowledge the hurt they have caused you but I suffer like crazy with the times when they don't. forgive? hell, no not till you are hurting worse...I am still stuck in this place, but I find it easier to forgive when I don't have to deal with the person isn't that cheating lol, what about the person you have to see? So I am exploring how trust is related to that and I think what happened is I invested immediately based on what I expected the relationship to be, and how I expected things to pan out, so when the blow was thrown I was not protected, my guard was all the way down form the door. Now what boxer walks into the ring hands down, chillin...not that we are always fighting but in a sense shouldn't I always be protecting me till I knw it's safe, so who's fault is it that I am hurt? ( I just woke myself up)
We have had the brief exciting friendships that fade, and the complicated as hell relationships we wish would fade, or the long distance connections that seem like they would be great, (which we knw are probably better distant) but holding onto that idea makes them great, while still distant, and, my favorite the girlfriends we have that we hold onto complicated or not, I just love her she's my friend... on and on to relationships like marriage when we genuinely love the person and simply want forever to work, plain and simple, hands down, let's do this!!!!
I like relationships and love friendships even more. I am married so scratch the dating relationship ideas (other than pretending with my hubs, and dating him lol) but I have been exploring what kind of friend I am and what qualities I offer, and I find that we are all too often the kind of friends we WANT to others, and when they are not the kind of friend we think we are being it sucks. So my resolve has been to evaluate the friendships and keep the people where they belong in my life and become ok with that.
I am exploring TRUST at the moment and how that fits into my life, and relationships. Am I trustworthy? Are you trustworthy? If not is it the worse thing in the world or do I just learn how to deal with that part of you? Is it on purpose or do either of us lack something? I may be just being random but this is the stuff I think about. I made the statement, out of experience that all people are the same and I have come to realize that, No one is completely trustworthy, as we are all giving what we expect to get in return, never once considering we should just be being a great friend/partner to someone that needs one, later for the rewards.
So ok, In terms of relationships everyone say communication is key and it is...but more importantly for me communication within me is what needs most attention. Someone told me to look myself in the mirror and say, "I love you, and I am sorry for all the things I have done to hurt you, all the places I have been that I didn't protect you, forgive me." I tried it and it was the beginning of OMG! I matter...with that being said I aim to be the friend and wife not that you deserve but that I deserve to take credit for, because I walked all the way here... (does that make sense?)
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