Random thoughts...
So in a years time there have been significant changes in my life, not going through them all I will just focus on the positives and try and get the lessons across. Life is good, just to get that out of the way...I could complain but in the recent months I have learned it sucks, pisses others off, and never changes anything...with that said, again...life is good.
Trying to stay encouraged has been a theme for me, and making sure I focus on God, Love, Peace and everything that drives out negativity is my tactic...very hard if like me you thrive on emotions. I am also trying to kick the habit of feeling everything and going through the emotion for the sake of experiencing them in hopes that I disarm people who constantly say. "it's not that deep" in order to rebell I make it a point to go through how I see fit, so as to not give anyone control...good or bad I have no clue...
What I do know is that I have been through more hell in my life than I like, but at the same time it's like getting a needle...once I get over the sting I calm down fast and can see clearly what's going on, especially leaving the place I'm in. I have grown and accomplished alot since I last sought this kind of therapy and it's been good. I know that all I go through is for someone else's benefit, and with that I am going to do my best to share all I have learned...
During my situations I am not in the least concerned about who else I can help when I am done, I mean for goodness sakes I am going through and how irking is it when someone says in the middle of your storm, "You will be able to help someone else" I am always like hello? this hurts like Hell, can we focus on ME right now, they can read the book. lol But I am learning that sharing during takes the focus off the issue and I feel better about helping.
I still feel the empty space my mother left, I agree that time helps, but for me time has mainly filled my life with more stuff to preoccupy me, and lessen my opportunities to dwell...sit in silence...or mourn all together. But I guess like they say I can help someone else with this if need be.
In my journey it's looking like I will be able to help many, and be an expert in a lot of stuff...translation I been through it all...well it feels like it, but anyway...It has made me better, I have a heart for other people and my new goal is to make that an all day everyday thing, it's hard to shake the residue of the person you used to be, but what I hate the most is trying to convine people I am not who I used to be so I gave that up...(emancipation is my favorite word) I lost friends but you know what, Who cares? when I think about it now, I hold on to what God wants to free me from all too often, in addition to that I have a family who needs me, and too often trying to hold on to friends and outside things we miss moments, opportunities and precious things, with the people who matter most, so my advice on friendships is: treat them like dates, go out enjoy yourself, don't share your most innermost thoughts and desires unless it's with your bestie (spouse) and DO NOT become intimate lol (sex, if it's the opposite sex, and otherwise I mean loan money, or tie yourself in anyother way...) lol but I'm no expert...Friends are great though...I know it says to be friend you have to prove yourself friendly though so what does that say about me? Oh well...
Trying to stay encouraged has been a theme for me, and making sure I focus on God, Love, Peace and everything that drives out negativity is my tactic...very hard if like me you thrive on emotions. I am also trying to kick the habit of feeling everything and going through the emotion for the sake of experiencing them in hopes that I disarm people who constantly say. "it's not that deep" in order to rebell I make it a point to go through how I see fit, so as to not give anyone control...good or bad I have no clue...
What I do know is that I have been through more hell in my life than I like, but at the same time it's like getting a needle...once I get over the sting I calm down fast and can see clearly what's going on, especially leaving the place I'm in. I have grown and accomplished alot since I last sought this kind of therapy and it's been good. I know that all I go through is for someone else's benefit, and with that I am going to do my best to share all I have learned...
During my situations I am not in the least concerned about who else I can help when I am done, I mean for goodness sakes I am going through and how irking is it when someone says in the middle of your storm, "You will be able to help someone else" I am always like hello? this hurts like Hell, can we focus on ME right now, they can read the book. lol But I am learning that sharing during takes the focus off the issue and I feel better about helping.
I still feel the empty space my mother left, I agree that time helps, but for me time has mainly filled my life with more stuff to preoccupy me, and lessen my opportunities to dwell...sit in silence...or mourn all together. But I guess like they say I can help someone else with this if need be.
In my journey it's looking like I will be able to help many, and be an expert in a lot of stuff...translation I been through it all...well it feels like it, but anyway...It has made me better, I have a heart for other people and my new goal is to make that an all day everyday thing, it's hard to shake the residue of the person you used to be, but what I hate the most is trying to convine people I am not who I used to be so I gave that up...(emancipation is my favorite word) I lost friends but you know what, Who cares? when I think about it now, I hold on to what God wants to free me from all too often, in addition to that I have a family who needs me, and too often trying to hold on to friends and outside things we miss moments, opportunities and precious things, with the people who matter most, so my advice on friendships is: treat them like dates, go out enjoy yourself, don't share your most innermost thoughts and desires unless it's with your bestie (spouse) and DO NOT become intimate lol (sex, if it's the opposite sex, and otherwise I mean loan money, or tie yourself in anyother way...) lol but I'm no expert...Friends are great though...I know it says to be friend you have to prove yourself friendly though so what does that say about me? Oh well...
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